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(10 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

what...the..hell [16 Oct 2005|02:41am]
[ mood | confused ]

I don't know whats going on here. I went and hung out with Heather got high and drunk, then had sex with some random guy in the ravine.

I came home and went to sleep. All of a sudden Craig is standing over me with a gun in his hand? I'm in the garage? This doesn't make sense.

Craig was trying to fucking kill me...What the hell did i do to him?

Wasn't it him that drove high? and killed our child? So he is trying to kill me why? I was so scared. I don't want to die. I can live without his crazy ass.

Peter claims that i talked to him after the ravine...but i swear i went straight to sleep. This makes no sense...

Maybe i need sleep

night guys...update more later

(3 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

// I [Fucking] Hate Everything About YOU// [14 Oct 2005|01:16pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Yeah, so guess what i got to do last nigth everyone..,Wanna know?

Ashley spent the night in the hospital...

Wanna know why?

My EX EX EX EX EX EX Boyfriend decided to take a little break on the way to driving back to my house and get high. impairing his vision and causing him to run into the Degrassi School Sign.

You have no idea how much I fucking hate that kid. I don't even know why i got into the car with him in the first place. We had just broken up. Gahh i was soooo stupid. I knew something wasn't right.

He basicly took away everything that matters to me. I'm qyutting my jobs, going back to school. I swear if i see that kid, someone better fucking hold me back, because i WILL

1.) Beat the living shit out of him

2.) Kill him.

I found out i would have had a little girl. I bought her all these pretty things, now...nothing.

How could he do this to me?

Craig, I hope you burn in hell...

And don't worry, i'm sure not EVERYONE will hate you, you always have your girlfriend Ellie, whom i'm not suprised if you've screwed her already too...

I need to go rest now. Someone call me, or im me or something. I'll be around

(3 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

any rock in roll is what i want, it's in my soul it's what i need. [06 Oct 2005|12:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Wow! I'm alive guys. Alive and Kickin. I haven't been going to school, and i probably won't go back. I have a child to be getting ready for. Yup i'm due in two and a half months! Soooo needless to say i have been working my ass off for money. I already have about 3500 saved. I also worked out some stuff with my mom, much to Craig's dismay. She offered to help me out, The only thing she requested is that i come back home. Which i am seriously considering. I mean i never see Craig anyways. He's always busy, with Ellie or Emma, or sleeping. I really need the money. Working two jobs is literally killing me and i need a break.

speaking of my boyfriend...has anyone seen him around lately? I don't think he's been home for like a week...

I need to go get ready for job number 2 now...i'll be back around 11 guys.

ohh and guys, stear clear of the new kid. Especially Manny...he's a jerk.


(8 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

[29 Aug 2005|11:59pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I left...I don't live with Craig anymore...I had to leave. I know that Craig isn't aware of this yet, as he's in the garage, fast asleep. But i left. I just thought i'd let everyone know, i'm safe. I'm sorry for whatever drama i'll cause at school tomorrow...and i'm sure a couple people will be estatic...what good friends they are...I think i'll go to sleep now. Long day ahead of me, tomorrow...night guys...



OOC:Letter to CraigCollapse )

(2 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

[23 Aug 2005|05:23pm]
[ mood | in pain ]

I'm so sorry i haven't been updating. You know us pregnant women...we forget.

Or the fact that i've been in so much pain lately that i can't sit in a desk at school, let alone sit in front of the computer. I have to hide it from Craig. He'd freak out. The nurse sent me home early the past couple days, but i've been sneaking back into the school before the bell rings. Craig can't know. He's already been so overprotective lately. This is normal right? Oh please someone tell me it is.

Craig and i got in a huge fight the other night =/..but we made up, so everything is good for now We laid in bed Craig didn't want to have sex with me. He thinks i'm ugly...i just know it. And to fat... and just talked, about everything. Craig wants a little girl...with his curls and my eyes...we're gonna have to get the cutie a body guard.

What do you guys think of

Abby? ((ooc: i think that's the name Craig liked...correct me if i'm wrong...))

(3 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

She Loves you [12 Aug 2005|06:22pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

Hey guys, Sorry for the lack of updating. Everytime i sit in front of the computer long enough to update this thing, i end up getting sidetracked or nausous or something happens.

I suprised Craig and i upset him so badly. I didn't mean to, it was totally meant as showing how much i really and truly love him. I'm so stupid. I love him so much, but it seems like all we've been doing is fighting. I'm at a point in my life, where i'm three and a half months pregnant and constantly on bad terms with the man i love. I don't even have my parents on my side. I'm at odd of what to do. I wish someone could tell me what i could do to make this relationship last...before it falls apart...

Craig and i had a doctors appointment, the baby is perfectly healthy. Which is good news....hell it's GREAT news.
The doctor told us we could have sex, right up til the end. Which believe me was reassuring to hear...but our sexual relationship has been lacking. It's so hard. i'm not sure how to get back to where we used to be.

We got another ultrasound and Craig was so thrilled to see the picture of our baby. We also got to listen to the baby's heart beating. I love him so much. Watching his face light up as he listened to our baby's heart, it brought tears to my eyes.

I'm feeling a little sick again. Sorry for the short entry. I'm going to go lay down with Craig. Later guys


(8 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

Craig <3 [27 Jul 2005|12:59am]
I've been crying myself to sleep again. It's really hard not to have my family suporting me. Backing me up. Toby won't stop harrassing me. I wish i could just run home and into my mom's arms and just have her hold me, without judgement. Just as a daughter. Not the "perfect" daughter, just her daughter. I love being here. Joey has finally gotten over his grudge and he's really cool. Although he's making Craig sleep on the couch. I would gladly let Craig have his bed back and sleep on the couch, but i don't think he'd hear of it. Poor thing is so tired, he's already asleep. I find myself not being able to sleep as easily or as well. I wish Craig could sleep with me and we could just cuddle. School starts soon. I'm not sure how everyone is going to take what's happened. It's not like i'll be able to hide it for much longer. Maybe a month longer, if even that. I miss mom. I miss my bed. no i don't...yes i do. I mean every girl needs to have a mother when she is going through a time like this. Craig was upset when i told him yesterday. I have to pretend that i don't miss her. It's so sad when i want her to accept this situation so badly. I'm so afraid i'm going to be such a terrible mother. Craig's excited and i'm trying to be, but i'm so scared. 7 months is hardly enough time to get ready. oh what am i getting myself into?! Time to go tackle the boyfriend, i need my goodnight kiss.

What do you guys think of:


night guys <3


(5 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

Craig...Thank you! for...EVERYTHING! [25 Jul 2005|01:32pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Hey guys.

Day two at Craig's. Craig went to hang out with Emma for a little while, so i am sitting here at his house, alone on this computer. I had to wait for Joey and Angela to leave. It's kinda of weird, being here and all. So i've been online just surfing and hanging out. I love it here. Pretty soon Craig and i are going to be moving out, but we're here until we're able to manage. I feel like a dirty secret. If you wanna know what happened, i'm sure Toby would LOVE to tell you guys, he'll get alot of milege out of my mom's version. She doesn't understand anything really. I'm happy and this is what i what. So i'm not caring anymore.

This is to Jimmy and Craig. Won't make much sense to anyone else really.
What do you guys think of...

Aubrey [...Jimmy...haha.]

Last night kind of sucked though. Craig is afraid he'll hurt the baby, so he refuses to have sex, or anything, til we talk to the doctor. I love him so much. We both felt the baby kick, for the first time. It was amazing. I can't wait til Craig comes home.


Well i need to go and get something to eat. bye guys!

(1 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

I'm not sure what is going to happen... [23 Jul 2005|01:34pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Mom found out i'm pregnant. She is kicking me out. I don't know where to go or what to do. The only person whom knows is Jimmy. I haven't told Craig yet. Our newfounding relationship is still so fragil, i don't want to ruin it. It's not like i'll be hiding it for much longer, i know that. I'm already 10 and a half weeks. *Sigh* What should i do?

The dance was ehh okay. i drank. not my smartest move. Danced with Jimmy, highlight at the dance. Then went to the park and just sat on the swings to think. Craig text me, so we text back and forth for awhile, then i showed up on his driveway. Freaked him out a bit. I love you. =p. I think we're good now. I love you <3.

Jimmy we need to meet at the dot tonight.
Craig i love you bunches and i NEED one of your kisses.

I have to go

(2 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

[20 Jul 2005|02:49pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Omg...Joey just called me. Said Craig's in the hospital. It's all my fault. I'm--sorry.

I have to go see him. Joe said he's stable, now.

(4 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

[19 Jul 2005|11:36am]
"You And Me"

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

I'm sorry...that's all i can say

I have to go to the store...buy a pregnancy test. This is really starting to scare me. I realized i haven't had my period since before i left for London. Mom and i talked about it before i left, we both agreed it was stress. Why haven't i gotten it?! ohh my neverves are on end. This can't be happening. This is something that happens to those sluts who don't use protection. This is not meant to be offensive towards Manny :(...Not something that could happen to me...Ashley Kerwin...We used protection everytime. Oh god.

(Kiss me like whoa)

[19 Jul 2005|03:22am]
[ mood | shocked ]

I can't believe this...someone shake me. something. tell me this is some sick joke. I need to sleep this off.

Made an appointment with the doctor...i really need Craig to be there with me.I'm so scared. please let me be wrong about this

I'm sorry.

(4 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

Day one [18 Jul 2005|06:47pm]
[ mood | I miss Craig ]

Today has been Day one without Craig. It's so hard. I cried last night until i couldn't breathe. i wanted him with me so badly I just layed in my bed and thought of everything this week. We've been through alot, just in the week and a half i've been back home. Mom has been swooning over me every chance she gets, she "missed her baby." :Rolls eye

Mom came home early yesterday, totally ruined everything. We had sex in my bathtub. it was so beautiful, candles and everything, then we kind of moved to Toby's bedroom. Had to throw Craig out fast before mom saw him. Then i went to Paige's and we talked. I probably seem so pathetic, I love Craig, alot. Alot alot alot.

Emma and i went dress shopping today for the dance and i bought a new dress. Sorry Craig, you have you wait to see it. :).

I woke up this morning, i was so tired and exausted. I threw up again. It must be nerves or stress, i feel so nauseous, most of the day. It's hard to eat. I feel so sore. Oh no...this nah it can't mean anything, it's just stress of leaving Craig...right? Oh god i hope so.

Craig and i have plans! Going to go meet up with him, Peace all!

(8 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

Can't sleep [16 Jul 2005|03:45am]
[ mood | calm ]

Sorry my loyal fans for my lack of updating.

Been a very stressful week. One thing after another happening. Mom and Jeff are due to come home soon. I'm going to miss Craig staying here. Thinking about it makes me break down. I've been crying for an hour. I love him so much. I stocked up on some food, sent Craig to hang out with Marco and get some food in his system. He was making me nervous :P. I love you. He won't sleep. Won't eat. Barly leaves my side to use the bathroom. It's starting to scare me. I know he loves me and i definally love him, but do i honestly deserve this? I must have ensuniated SOMETHING in order for Christopher to get away with touching me. I'm so scared. I don't know what i'll do without him. I wish we could just run away together. We had sex again last night. Even through everything that happened, i still trust him.

Craig, through everything that has happened this week, thank you for being here for me. Sorry for not being honest and a trusting girlfriend. I love you so much.

12 13reasons why i love you, Craig

-How i feel in you arms
-The sex
-Your kisses
-Your hugs
-Being with you
-how you make me feel secure
-Your beautiful face
-our talks
-our alone time
-Waking up in your arms
-The fact that no matter how many times the term 'Love' is used, it never gets old
-I could see myself growing old with you
-Getting lost in your eyes

Craig Manning, I love you.

Going to go crawl back in bed with Craig.

Oh and Dean...Better watch your back. That's all i have to say.

(11 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

*sigh* I'm in love [10 Jul 2005|03:42am]
[ mood | devious ]

Wow. Craig i and spent the entire night together last night. Well not intentionally, seeing as Craig is Still grounded. I hope he didn't get into anymore trouble. It would be horrible and ruin our plans. I'm tired, but i can't sleep, alone. I need him with me.

my bed brings back so many memories. So we had sex again and it was wild and amazing. And tiring. oh my god it was amazing though. Neither one of us could keep our hands off each other. Beautiful, great, wonderful, amazing, wow. every word you could think of put into one night.

I can't picture myself with anyone besides Craig. He is my everything. I can't live without him. I don't know how i lasted those long nights in london alone. Craig fell asleep last night in my arms and i remember just holding him and stroking his hair. He's so beautiful, and when he kisses me, or holds me i get this sense of love It drives me crazy. i could hardly contain myself last night and safety. I know nothing bad will ever happen when i'm with Craig. Wow! I'm going to dream sweet, beautiful dreams!

I love you Craig! I hope you can come over, i'm feeling lonely and well...

Mom called. They're staying an extra week! So i have another week to myself at home =D

<33 Ash

(7 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

This is for Craig <3 [08 Jul 2005|01:51pm]
[ mood | I love Craig! ]

I love you Craig. last night...Amazing. Just like you.

I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love youI love you i love you i love you i love youI love you i love you i love you i love youI love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love youI love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you.

I just woke up not to long ago. I must have been extremly tired or something.
Must have been the three hours of sex that Craig and i had last night. Wow. Thats all i got to say.

I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you I love you i love you i love you i love you.

<3 Ash

(8 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

Second Entry [07 Jul 2005|01:14pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I'm back in toronto. Maybe that's a mistake. Maybe i should've listened to dad when he told me to stay in London for a bit longer. I don't know. I think i royaly screwed up my relationship...again. I feel thats all i ever do anymore. I just HAD to play hero last night and now Craig is so angry with me. He was shouting and yelling it was so scary. I thought he was going to hit me I didn't mean to make him so angry, i just wanted to help out Manny and Emma. They were totally drunk and leaving them at a party with a bunch of college guys did not sound like the safest or smartest things. I never meant to hurt Craig. But i somehow did. We both stormed off last night. I hate not knowing what is going to happen I just keep waiting for the phone to ring, for Craig to call me and break up with me. It's only logical. He broke my heart, i broke his. I Love him so much. Oh please let me be wrong about it. I feel so alone here. Turns out that Mom and Jeff forgot that i was coming so soon, they went to yellow knife for a trip and aren't due to come back til sunday night. So if someone wants to drop by and see me, i'd be enternally greatful.

Emma and Manny- What you did was very ignorant, stupid and selfish. Last night was a one time deal. You get drunk again, it won't be me dragging you guys to Emma's doorstep.

Ellie and Paige- I'm sorry i haven't been that great of a friend lately. I hope you can forgive my absecence. We will do something. not a party and we can catch up, hang out and just have lots of fun. You guys call always give me a call.

Craig- I'm sorry about our fight last night Please don't leave me i didn't realize how upset it made you. I missed you so much while i was gone and fighting with you made me so sad. I LOVE you and i always have/will. That i can promise you. I'm sorry for playing hero, it was just something i felt i had to do, at the time. never again i do want us to spend time together, alone, with friends just having you near me means the world to me. Can we please talk about this? I can't stand fighting with you, i need you. I know you need me too. Please forgive me? I love you. Let's talk. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm going to go take a nap now and wait for Craig to call


(10 kissed me like Craig | Kiss me like whoa)

I'm new to live journal [05 Jul 2005|10:00pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Hey everyone.
Well i decided to get one of these live-journals...which is guess isn't totally crazy, considering all that has been going on.
For those who are just tuning in...my name is Ashley Kerwin and i attend Degrassi community school in toronto, Canada. I am 16 years old and i am dating Craig Manning. Only i don't know if we are even dating anymore...I totally messed up, but i need this time away from craig. He's so scary when he doesn't take his medicine I just can't be a nurse, friend and girl friend to him, I liked it better when i was just Ashley Kerwin: Craig's girlfriend. Then he was diagnosed with a disorder Bi-polar disorder and well we just haven't been the same ya know. I really do love Craig. More then anything in the world, which is why i had to go to London, by myself to tour the world and whatnot without having to worry about Craig hurting himself. hurting othersI know i am in love with him, there were times when i would just look in his eyes and i knew we were meant for eachother...they say when you love someone you gotta let them go, which is what i did...not forever, just for the summer.

Anyways i am having such a great time here in London.I've been here with dad and Christopher for a month already. They're so in love it makes me sick to watch them. I'm so glad that dad found someone whom makes him happy.
Which reminds me i need to send postcards out soon to
So expect some mail you three!

How's it going at Degrassi? How did the rest of the filming for jay and silent bob go?
I miss you guys like crazy, but i am having an excellent time =D.
This was really a well needed vacation..don't worry guys, i'll be back in a month and a half. You can always IM me at Crashin Ashley.

Craig, I'm so sorry for the way i left things, but that was the only way i could get you to listen. I'll still call and E-mail and we can chat, i'll try and be on as much as i can. I'm sorry i haven't yet, i needed to give us both some time. I love you. I hope you understand that and i know that when i get back, everything will be perfect. I had to leave Craig, I had to experience things for myself. Just know that i love you and i'll be home very soon!...which seem so long now but in reality will come quicker then we imagined. Don't give up hope on us.

Take care guys and leave lots of comments for the girl in London.
Have fun at Degrassi and have a fun/safe summer. =)
Love you guys and miss ya!!

<3 Ashley

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